a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
I think I am morally bankrupt
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
If I die on my trip, you're my chosen person. Nightstand-vibrators. Computer-iphoto naked pictures. I hope you feel honored.
I told her that I thought she needed an oral mammogram. With me being pre-med she bought it.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Randomize
