I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
just thinking about him makes my vagina shudder.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
