In the future we'll all be gay
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
It was annoying to wait 4 hour for him to be inside for 5 seconds.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
He's trying to row the canoe up my front yard like he is Lewis and Clark.
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
FALSE ALARM! I didn't piss myself, I fell asleep in the shower and then drunkingly crawled into my bed
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
The girl who comes up after me always strips to Lana Del Rey. I didn't think working in a strip club could be any more depressing.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
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