Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
He told me that a camel appeared out of nowhere and it told him to quit smoking...
Thoughts of banging the girl who just opened my beer with her teeth?
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
I was so ripped I had a natty light box over my head carrying a spray bottle out in the streets trying to give car washes.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
Going on a first date tonight...pros: my boobs look amazing. Cons: my abortion isn't until next week.
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
