The woman at walgreens tried to sell me clearance condoms with my fake eyelashes. Does it look like I get laid?
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
He tried to eat me out...through my pants.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
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