dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
his mom walked in, looked at me, sighed n nsaid 'when are u gonna learn' n walked out
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
All three of us got laid last night. This is what is commonly referred to as the Trifuckta.
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
Took it for the first time last night, and i saw a giant pillsbury boy coming after me with a wrench in his hand.
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