If you're ever in Seattle we should Fuck. Or get coffee, whatever.
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
No, your dick is problems. Anyone you fuck haunts us for the rest of the semester. If you need to get laid, I'll personally drive you out of state.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I just spilled a shot of Patron on your mom.. Body shots may be happening. You better get here quick.
You know darned well I have a well-documented weakness for redheads, Subway and hand-drawn graphic novels.
I just puke and rallied at my anniversary dinner #winning
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