He asked if it was my vagina. I told him it was my butt. Clearly I need to buy him a map of the female form.
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
My mom just walked in and saw a picture of his penis. She then asked me "Do you even have a cervix left?!" I don't know what to feel anymore HA
Yeah well that's a good thing right? Like mothers approval? Kinda like a Fathers blessing but. . . better?
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
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