wakey wakey hands off snakey
my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
remind me not to fuck anymore half bald 20 year olds. because obviously there's attachment issues
I met her daughter,who I went to high school with on my way out this morning. She didn't seem to surprised. I love older women.
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
Your girlfriend agreed to a threesome, I saw dogs in a bar. It seems life is falling into place for us
She's not allowed to do acid anymore... she started crying because she thought she was an eagle.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize
