you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
I woke up to you in just boxers at my door at 7a.m. with you saying how many squrriels you counted on the walk back, then you made me penis shaped pancakes
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
mom is telling me the setting in which I was conceived
did you know we used to have a pool?
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Randomize
