you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I totally just found ecstasy floating around in the bottom of my purse, it's almost like good karma from the time I lost that blow...but not quite
He made a fake guest pass that was just a note card with "I'm here. Me." written in sharpie, and tried to convince the security guard it was real.
I sleep texted my mom and asked her for a condom last night
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
I found the crust to my pizza under my covers that's cool
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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