I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I can't imagine anything that has a removal ass flap as being sexy
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
To be honest, I'm more surprised when you're not high at this point
The night got way more interesting after Jimmy started doing summersaults in front of the bar.
Randomize
