Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
Come over and play the Jeter 3000 drinking game. You drink if the commentators say "captain" or "3000". I'll drink if they say "overrated" or "past his prime".
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Randomize
