Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
i almost hope i AM knocked up so i can ruin the rest of his life
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I asked him for something to clean up with after sex and he handed me a sham wow. A SHAM WOW
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
