Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
One reason I feel like garbage: Kraft single wine shots
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Only ESPN could find the two ugly girls from a school in Florida
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
I'll be honest, this year's Vegas trip will be nothing short of disappointing if there's no repeat of the angry ménage a trios in a closet.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
Randomize
