The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
there are 10 yearolds here who keep calling me on the elbow rule!
Wait are they playing beer pong to?
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
Listen, you need to start thinking with your vagina and not with your heart... That emotional shit is for your 30s.
Yesterday was just the icing on the rejection cake that was my week
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Dude when the cops came you ran through the fence. Fucking THROUGH it. You're a master ditcher.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I immediately woke up from my nap, made myself a screwdriver and got in the shower. I know it's spring break but I'm still questioning my life choices.
Randomize
