The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
I got a 93 percent on my last mid term and I was drunk. Think of the possibilities if i were sober for the one thats tommorrow.
Randomize
