i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
It was going alright when lo and behold Tom the cock blocking tornado hits. He is the only man I know who doesn't want anyone to fuck girls.
Bitch, he is not your friend and this is not Bravo. Get in this car before you get smacked
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
can we not compare my dick to a children’s folk tale
I have successfully trained your dog to bring me pudding cups!
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
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