hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I've started grabbing my boobs in front of my lesbian philosophy professor so she'll give me a better grade. It's working...
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
She was purple for Halloween. She literally spray-painted herself purple and called it a costume. It won't come off.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
Yep that's the face of someone whose dick I would put in my mouth without hesitation
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
