Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
So he says to my dad "I'll pull out of your daughter but I'm not going to apologize". Yea, my night was fun.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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