i hope you realize that ur overconfidence only gave me one orgasm out of all the times we had sex. that's like a 1% success rate. u might wanna rethink how amazing you are.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
shes on the floor puking and texting simultaneously.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
Pain in my heart, regret in my vagina
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
Randomize
