i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
He has until sunday, then my legs are officially closed to him
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
Randomize
