I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
i hope push ups and a ton of orange juice gets rid of chlamydia
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Please tell me you are a size medium in men's clown onesies and that you forgot them here last night.....
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
Lying naked in bed eating carrot cake of off my bare breasts while watching Family Guy. Tonsilitis isn't all bad!
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
THIS MOTHERFUCKING ROOSTER
IT KEEPS CHASING ME BACK IN THE HOUSE
FUCK THIS BIRD
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
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