At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
So yes it WAS her period, NOT a nose bleed.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
you don't need to worry about using proper grammar if you're asking for the size of his dick.
Randomize
