We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
I almost took home a boy from the bar last night, till i realized he was not speaking drunk, he was from another country and didnt know english. that could have been an awkward morning.
dollar beers will do that to you.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
I woke up with dick mouth, a raw vagina, an empty bottle of vodka and the best man next to me. I also found my thong by the pool. Best.Wedding.Ever.
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Do they make liter beers?
They make 40s
Do they make 2 liter beers
They make 2 40s
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when I get back.
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