I'll bet she douches with gravy.
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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