she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Theres a truck parked on the front yard and i just want to take this opportunity to tell you now that it is not my fault.
She is a social worker. An actual good person trying to save the world. I feel like every time I give her an orgasm God wipes a little smudge off of my shit list.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
I'm pretty sure blacking out is a coping mechanism.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.�
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
My bathing suit kept falling whenever I went under a wave and this kid caught on and kept checking them out so I told him nothing comes free $5 a boob
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Randomize
