Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I feel like letting the same guy who shot him dig the pellet out of his leg with a pocket knife was the bigger mistake
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Dude a gay guy just Sparta kicked this Samoan guy for calling him a flamer you need to get down here the free kamakazee shots haven't even started yet
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
