Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
I'm not sure if doing him was such a good idea. Yes the sex was good, but I'm scared I set myself up for failure in 2011 because he's the hottest guy. Ever.
and on the second day it was tequilla tuesday. and the lord saw it was good.
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
Woke up backwards on a recliner
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
Lol. I get my husbands paycheck every week. Immediate deposit into my purse next to his balls.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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