Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
Something growled at me in your dark backyard last nt. Hoping it was my landwalking laser sharks and not Andy.
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
