There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I had sex on an exercise ball. The inevitable has occurred.
She hash tagged the word blow job in her text. Tonight's going to be good.
i'm not even sure i have knees anymore. that awesome.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
His parents bailed him out, the police said they found him on a curb trying to call people on his wallet, hahha. He had his wallet open to his ear callin people
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
