I want the hot one, scratch that. anyone.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
He held my hand in public and I nearly came. Like he needs to be inside of me yesterday.
Sorry again for almost setting you on fire.
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