smell like capt'n and strawberry champagne
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
I feel like someone kicked me repeatedly in the ribs. I don't think sex is supposed to do that.
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Did you know that taking off a bra with teeth burns ninty calories?
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
Morning fuck and a coffee. ARE YOU READY TO CONQUER THE GALAXY WITH ME??
Somehow my boobs came up in conversation AGAIN last night and I'm still not getting laid...
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
she was sitting on the toilet asking for me to take a "cute facebook profile picture" for her
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
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