Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
Discovery: bouncers seem to get really upset about fire
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
It was all fun and games until she said "you're so pretty I wanna punch you in the face" and the proceeded to punch her in the face
It's cuz all she eats is salt lick, human souls, and fast food
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
This town reeks of teen pregnancy.
Randomize
