Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
At a point I was just cumming dust last night
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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