I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Just saw my bank statement. It literally goes liquor store pizza place liquor store pizza place bar bar bar liquor store pizza place 711 for snacks withdrawl for drugs rinse and repeat
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Well. Turns up no one actually knows who that kid was. Came in, said happy fathers day, chilled for a while, then left.
Got home last night and found a Big Mac in the shower, tampons all over the place, and two pairs of your panties on the front porch.
The waitress asked if you wanted white or brown, and you said "Isn't it all the same color when it's toasted?". She stared at you for about 20 seconds before she decided that you weren't fucking with her.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
He once bought a dildo and put fifty dollars and a happy anniversary note in the battery compartment I gotta lock him down while hes available
Do u believe in the possibility of big foot?
You high??
Randomize
