I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
5 am is for sleeping. Or getting railed on by a stranger. But never for fundraising. Get real.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
he's dressed up as pikachu 3 fucking years in a row and gotten laid each time. i don't understand
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Don't worry, I'm preparing for tonight by lining my purse with a garbage bag.
I started blowing him in North Dakota, and I finished the job in Minnesota. Oh, the places road head can take you.
Just got a ride from a stranger while walking a mile home as it hailed with no coat. He asked me if I smoked, then said he just made some potent cookies and I could have one.
The cookie was what I originally wanted to tell you. Always say yes to drugs from strangers
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
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