Are we in a gay sports bar?
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
feelin groggy baby? need a coffee? vitamins? a nice good fuck on the piano?
I think we need a list of things that are automatic NO's for dating a guy. Married, definitely a no now
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
Randomize
