they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
i love you. like a brother. a brother that i had sex with more than once.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
Nothing says Happy Holidays like sending a picture of your ass to the wrong manager.
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
