Actually, all he talks about is how great the sex is with her and how crappy you were at it. Stop being a bitch and gossiping masking it as self-righteousness.
Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
Best friends brother. Beat that.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
you gave a quesadilla a blow job with sour cream at Denny's.
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
There's a difference tho. *I* drink at seven in the morning because I work graveyards. YOU drink at seven in the morning cause you're an alcoholic.
Randomize
