Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
champagne bombs. Yes, i think that is where things may have gotten out of control.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Looking at an apartment in Houston. It's right beside my favorite bar and the zoo. Best or worst decision?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
I have a hickey in my new work ID photo.....
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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