Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I think you should know he took my pants (buttons and zippers included) and my thong off with his mouth alone. I found my husband
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
How sober do you have to be to donate blood?
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
last final went out with a bang.. 20 min late bra-less, cum in my hair and i still cant find my shoes.
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