My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
So it's official...my sex life has improved since Pokemon came out...
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
i out mim tonsoeep
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
Randomize
