sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
Had a dream I went to Disney to visit you and then I got really drunk and puked all over these little kids in line
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
So many questions...the two most important are, where the fuck is my booze and how did you even get the couch through the door?
Randomize
