She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
What's proper 1 nite stand etiquette?
Say hi to his dad and make him some breakfast.
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
I feel like I've been slapped by Gods icy cold dick of vengeance.
i drunkenly decided i was going to take down all the male cheerleaders, gay or not. 1 down about 10 more to go.
My younger brother just got high fives from all my guy cousins for fucking my best friend. I hate family gatherings.
The hypnotist is here. He has a black eye and smells like tequila.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
I would rather her be sleeping with someone new than getting to go Harry Potter world before me...
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
Randomize
