I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I love him more than I love myself. Which is a lot...Because I'm narcissistic.
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
once i realized i was actively trying to drink the beer i was sweating out of my body i knew it was time to go to bed
how did he go about obtaining bull sperm?
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Oh I woke up in my neighbors garage using one of their sleeping bags, as my neighbor was doing laundry in there.
Im tired as fuck but i cant leave him here like this i gave him the acid and i feel the responsibillity to put his mind back together its fun im an architect about to about to construct a whole new belief and moral system inside this soul. Talk about the best psychothearpy
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
