He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
That bus ride was like a tour of all the bushes I puked behind last night
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
PANTIES FOUND
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
Randomize
