Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
Just realized I'm marrying a man that's never gone down on me. What happened to my priorities?
Bro, I just want to tell you that I'm glad you got fired. I'm going to fuck your replacement.
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
A girl showed up in my tinder and I have it set to only men... I super liked her because I need a lesbian experience
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Randomize
