is swine flu sexually transmttd?
Ha no, why?
sriously ive never had a hangovr this bad
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
8$ liquor pitchers. I'm gonna wear two or three pairs of underwear so when drunk me takes them off there'll still be a pair on.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
Ok John needs to move to the other side of the county. I do not like to be approached for a blow job in the produce section of Holiday Market.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I told him I hooked up with his best friend. And then he ate me out. I'm just THAT GOOD.
seriously i don't trust him. he fed me a hot dog out of a crock pot and gave me moonshine dashed jager bombs.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
Randomize
