Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
She's the barista slut.
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I let him fuck me in a batman costume. Don't talk to me about needing to read fifty shades gray.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
Is this really the life I've chosen for myself?
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
